Aamir Khan’s Sundari & Socks
Your question has come to an end now. You asked me what my self-image is. I had written 30-40 questions. So, I may as well ask two or four of them. I didn’t know how to raise kids. But I learned a lot from therapy. I have now finally found some balance. Has this brought your guilt down? You could be talking to someone and grief can engulf you out of nowhere. When you are unsuccessful, it’s important to know the reason for that. Everyone in the world felt that you were a villain. We… Witch! Coming out of that, I feel like the sun has risen, people look different, filters look different. My trump card! Let’s go! Should we start? Sundari is our special guest today. She has come to be a part of our conversation. Let’s start with Sundari. I just found out from your team today, that Sundari has adopted a stray cat. I was in London with Azad on a holiday, and when I returned after two weeks, I saw a cat roaming around my house. So, I asked where did the cat come from? I was told that Sundari had made friends with a cat outside and now she and the cat live together.
And they stay with you? -Both stay in my bedroom. So, Sundari and the cat sleep on your bed. The cat’s name is Socks. Her four paws are colored white, like socks. So what Sundari had adopted, you have accepted that. I accepted her. I didn’t have a choice. So, Chapter 2, I think you first met me during Lal Singh Chaddha’s casting and you had come for the screen test. And your screen test was very good. -And you had sent me a message. -Yes. Because I have auditioned for thousands of films, but never has it happened, that when you’re not getting the film, the producer, director, or actor messages you and says, “Sorry, your audition was great, but…” But you did that… I showed it to everyone and said, “See, I’m a good actor. Aamir Khan is saying I’m a good actor.” I feel that when you are struggling as an actor, because when I was new to the industry, I used to give a lot of auditions, and get rejected everywhere. I know that feeling. So, I feel if I have not got the role, I should at least be told that I haven’t got the role.
Otherwise, I’d be waiting and wondering if I’ll get it or not. Then I would find out from the media that someone else has been cast. We had finalized six girls for Dangal… for Gita and Babita. And our wrestling coach, Kripa Shankarji, trained them in wrestling for two weeks. But which one of them could wrestle after one to one-and-a-half years of training, only Kripaji could identify that potential and tell us whom he could finally train. You get that validation, you know, one works very hard while giving an audition. Yes. I think this is a result of my Ammi’s upbringing, that one should always treat people respectfully. I think I have also learned a little from you. I haven’t become very well-behaved yet but having met you and spoken to you…
Is it? Ammi’s. Ammi’s. Via Ammi, through you to me. It goes through a passage… It reaches the person it’s meant for, one way or another. -And, I do want to talk about Ammi. -Yes. What can I say, an icon of etiquette. She even scolds you so lovingly… -that you won’t feel bad. -Yeah, she…
Aamir Khan First meeting story
But don’t let the softness fool you, that you can get her to do anything. No, no, no, no. -No, no, no, no. -She is very adamant. …that who you are today, and from your dad’s side, His life as a producer was quite tough. -It’s not that every producer’s life… -So from Ammi… …is hunky dory and fun. No no, it’s a tough business. You need passion, you need courage. Yes. You also need a little madness. Because it’s… That you’ve invested Rs. 20 and you’ll get a certain interest and you’ll get your money back. It’s not guaranteed. No. This is a profession where you can be hardworking and talented, you can be dedicated, but you may not be successful. Me! I’m hardworking, a little talented, too. -You yourself said I’m a good actor. -No, you are also talented. But I think luck also plays a part. -A huge part. -You are absolutely right. What you’ve experienced is unique. What happened with you… I would call it a tragedy. The way your life has changed after that, and the way you have shown patience and strength.
You didn’t lose hope or faith in yourself. We all can learn a lot from that. A person’s morale breaks and gets crushed. You are starting your second chapter. I’ve worn your T-shirt as well, Chapter 2. It’s looking great on you. So your chapter 2… Firstly, you’re starting a new profession. So, this is your chapter 2. I think your family, your parents, your brother, you are all positive people. I think the Army upbringing also makes a difference. -Yes. -Because you know that… You’ve seen it from childhood that when Dad leaves, there’s a possibility he may not come back. Never give up. To always stay hopeful. No one can defeat you easily. And yes, with this chapter 2, I feel like this particular year is my chapter 2 because… -Now you are coming out of it. -Yes! I was going through all those things. Grief was around on and off. There was pain. I was unable to understand. There was anxiety, PTSD, and whatnot.
Firstly, you’ve lost someone whom you were so close to. And grief has a veto power over everything else. You could be talking to someone, and you get engulfed by grief out of the blue. These were some of the things, but today I feel that I have a renewed energy. I want to do something now. I feel like meeting people, my curiosity has been revived.I was slowly losing my curiosity earlier. There was no interest in knowing about others and their lives. What difference would it make, life is always bad. There’s depression conditioning your mind. After overcoming that, now I feel like the sun is rising again, The sun is rising, people are looking different, filters are looking different. I feel like doing new things. Now, the title ‘entrepreneur’ is very fancy, but the job is very tough. -Absolutely. -I didn’t know how to make clothes at all, even now I’m only trying. So learning all those things… Because as an actor, you only need to show up at a location. When we do photoshoots here, I use the blower on the model’s clothes and hair myself.
I also have to steam their clothes sometimes. Now all these things have changed. I have known you for about four-five years now, from the time I auditioned for Lal Singh Chaddha. Initially, even I couldn’t obviously understand how could you be so normal. You know, sometimes he is just wearing regular loungewear. If anyone comes over, you go to see them off. You sit on the floor. I would believe that if the entire world loves you in a way, the way they have shown love for you. I know the intensity, people have cut their hair like yours, and done many other things. How do you strike that balance in your mind? “That all these things are fine, but I’m also just Aamir. I’m unable to understand this. -I have… I mean, I am the way I am. The things that Ammi taught me and the upbringing I’ve had, this is how I am. So you don’t feel like it’s an abnormal thing about you? When I see the people around me, I also realize I’m a little different. -Yes! -But it’s okay.
Auditions & Learnings
Every man is unique, every man has his own qualities. Your normalcy is abnormal. It’s very abnormal. It took me some time. When we were auditioning for Lal Singh Chaddha, I didn’t realize that… I knew it was Aamir Khan’s film, but I didn’t know I’d get to audition with him. You audition along with everyone. Yes, I audition with everyone myself. -This is a very unique thing. Most actors or stars don’t even stand in their co-actors’ closeups, to give cues from behind the camera. And here you are at the audition, and I was shocked. Because whoever meets you, comes with an image in mind. But, don’t you feel that. So, about what you’re saying… See, when you become a star, then every person does something for you. All your work gets done. That can sometimes get to your head. And it happens, too. And… Yes! It hasn’t happened to me as much. All four of us are similar. So, when you look up in the mirror, when you wake up in the morning, or when you’re getting ready. do you ever feel like, “I’m very good-looking. Or that I’m a star. Or that I’m Aamir Khan.” No, no, absolutely not. I feel like, “Oh, man! I have to lose weight,” and so on. -That’s what I feel. -Do you not think you are good-looking? No, in 59 years I have never felt that way.
Lies! -No, I’m telling the truth. -Let’s do a lie detector test. -Sure, do it. I’m not at that level. Really? You see people make fun of my clothes, saying, “Look at what he has worn!” I think I’m very stylish. -…that it doesn’t matter what I wear. -Oh, wow! This is the opinion I have about you. “That it doesn’t make a difference whatever I wear, everyone is going to look at my face.” No, I don’t think of all that. -You don’t think this way? -No, not at all. Actually… Kiran once told me, that she feels I am not interested in any of them. -Oh, God! -Yes, so I asked her what she meant. So she said, “You are lost in your own world. And even if you’re sitting with us, you’re lost in your own world. You are not interested in any of us actually.” Well, she was not complaining, she wasn’t scolding me. -She was pulling your leg? -No. She was sharing it as an observation. Because she was trying to talk to me, and as usual, I was lost in my world and wasn’t listening. So then she said that she realized, “You’re not interested at all.” So, I said, “What do you mean?” and she said, “We’ve been married for ten years, and at least twice a week I’ve heard you say that you want to spend time with Ammi. I don’t get to spend time with Ammi.
Then why don’t you meet Ammi?” She lives right above you. She stays two floors above me. “And you decide your own schedule. No one’s holding you at gunpoint saying you can’t meet Ammi. You can meet her whenever you want. In fact, I meet Ammi more, more than you.” And it’s a fact. Kiran meets Ammi every few days. “It’s in your heart, that you love all these people a lot. But your mind is elsewhere.” But that’s what I want to understand, why? I asked her, “Why? You would want me to change and pay attention to you all.” She said, “No, if you focus on us, you won’t be the same person, the person I married, whom I loved. You will be a different person then.” -You become this by doing that. -Yes. Yes, Kiran is amazing. So when she told me all this, it was the first shock. I said, “Okay. She isn’t scolding me.” During COVID, because we were all at home and couldn’t step out, so that gave me a lot of time to sit and think. Before that, I had worked as an actor for about 30 years, and I was so lost in the film world, that I never got the opportunity to sit and think about my life. I used to work for 24 hours. People used to ask me, “You do one film in three years, then what’s keeping you so busy?” But I used to spend those three years making that one film.
And I would get so lost in that one film, that people don’t even do that in over ten films. I never thought about anything else. Yes, I didn’t have the bandwidth. I used to think about work. When we use the word “work,” it feels like we are slogging it out. For me, work is fun. It was like playing. I play in films. So, in that euphoria and excitement, 30 years have passed, 32 years have passed. And the people closest to me, I haven’t given them any time in those 30 years… 30 years! Not three weeks, not three months, or three years… 30 years! My Ammi is aging now. I don’t know how much time I have left with her. As such you can’t trust life anyway. There is no guarantee when it comes to our lives. But a realization dawned upon me, that I’m spending very less time with Ammi. Ira was struggling with depression at the time. She is much better now. But at that time, she was struggling a lot with depression. So, they need me. Junaid… is starting his career. He has lived his life alone, without me. And now, perhaps he is at the last, taking the biggest step in his life, towards his career, for his debut. If I’m not with him at this time, then what’s the point? Azad is nine years old, he’ll be a teenager in a few years.
These are the last few years of his childhood. -They won’t return. -They won’t return. And it’s not like, the feelings and emotions in my heart for them aren’t strong. I feel a lot for my family. The people around me, my family, they were always with me. Whom did I have to win over? I had to win my audience. And I’ve laughed with my audience, I’ve made them laugh, I’ve made them cry. I have inspired them. I’ve held their hands, through my stories, through my characters. I have given hope to people. When Ira was four-five years old, or when Junaid was five-six years old, what were the expectations in their hearts, what did they desire, what did they want, what were their fears, what were their challenges, what worried them… I had no idea about these things. But my directors, like Ashutosh Gowariker, or anyone that I have worked with and spent time with, or my film team, that became my family, every film you create becomes a family. -You knew everything about them. -I knew everything about them. That this person… Because I have to work with him. I need to understand that man completely.
So what are his desires and insecurities, what does he want, I know. But when it comes to my children, I never tried to find out what’s in their hearts. I felt very bad, Rhea. So, at that time… That period was very difficult for me. No one told me about this. I realized it myself. I realized that the time that’s passed won’t ever come back again. Ira and Junaid’s childhood won’t come back. These past 30 years that I could have been with Ammi, I’ve spent very little time with her, and that time will never come back again. And, they didn’t even say anything to you… -or asked. -They never complained. Sometimes they used to tell me to spare some time. But I was never pressurized, because they felt that… I was lost in my work, that I shouldn’t be disturbed. That realization was a turning point in my life. At that time, I made a decision. I mean, I told myself that the thing that kept me away from my family… -I’ll leave that. -I am going to leave that. So, I decided that I wouldn’t work in films. I would never do a film in my entire life. I won’t work in films, I will not act, I will not produce. I will not direct. Absolutely nothing. I want to move away from films. I was so angry with myself, and on the work that I had done for 30 years. It had pulled me away from my family.
I don’t want to do it. -Is this recent? Around two years. -First stop all this. -This was three years ago. -So this was three years ago. We were in the middle of Lal Singh Chaddha at that point. Because shooting had stalled during COVID. We had shot half the film and the other half was remaining. I decided that I’ll complete Lal Singh, and then, I’ll move away. And I was happy that at least I realized this at the age of 56. What if I had realized this at age 86? Then you wouldn’t have had anything. No more time for them. So, I decided that all my time… -Is for the family. -…will be dedicated to my family. That’s the day I started all this. -But you haven’t quit films? -I had quit. You had quit? -I had left films. -But now you are back to it. -Now I am doing films. Because you aren’t living in the two extremes. No, what actually happened was… Because what you’re telling me is one extreme, that you’ll only work. Then you felt the guilt, had a realization, “My family… Oh, no! I’ll leave work and only focus on family.
Your family might not have wanted you to be around them for 24 hours. Yes, so that’s what I’m telling you. When I told them three years ago that I was quitting films, their reaction, according to me was like, “Papa… How will you quit films? You’ve been involved like crazy for the past 30-32 years in the film world. You must be emotional right now and saying it. But you’ll not be able to do that.” Quitting films, it’s a big thing. So they just nodded and said, “Okay, fine.” Then I called my team. My production team, people who are close to me, like Mr. Bimal Rao, Shamat was with me at the time, Advaith, so I called them and told, Kiran as well, “Aamir Khan Productions is a company that makes films. I don’t need a company like this anymore, because I’m not going to make films. But you all are in the same profession and want to make films, so I want you to take the company from me and you make films.” So, they were very shocked, disturbed, and confused. Then Kiran told me, “You’re leaving us all. I said, “No, no, I’m leaving films, and now, I will spend more time with you.” She said, “No, you do not understand this right now. If you are quitting films, you… You are a child of cinema,” that’s what she said. “You are made for cinema, and if you are leaving cinema and films, then you are letting go of life and the world, and we are a part of it, so you are leaving us, too.
And she was crying. I asked, “Why are you crying? You have the wrong notion. “That’s not how it’s going to be.” But she was right, which I didn’t realize then. Six, seven people said, “We don’t want your company.” -Everyone refused? -Yes, everyone refused. I thought I’d created a good company and people will like it. But no one wanted my company. Even Junaid said he didn’t want the company. Junaid has not taken anything from me till today. -Oh, God! -He hasn’t taken a car from me, let alone take a company. He does everything on his own merit. I’m happy about it and his first film, Maharaj, has just been released. He went through the rounds with casting directors for two years. I’ve seen pictures of him. He was papped, and he looks very normal. He never got papped. No one knew he was my son. -Now people have… -After his film’s release… He wears normal clothes, has a normal phone, nothing fancy. -No. -He doesn’t look like a star’s son.
If you look at star kids these days, they are always trending. Wait, my story isn’t over yet. -Oh, okay. -So… You’re so different! At that point, Ira was starting Agatsu, her mental health company. I thought, I’ll work with Ira. So, I joined her company, and spent quite a lot of time with her in those six months.
I tried to help her and guide her. and today, her non-profit company Agatsu, is being run well and successfully. I’m very happy about that. I was with her for the first six months, during the planning stages. And with Ammi, Azad, Junaid, I was with family only. Six, seven months went by, and now it was time. Prasanna was making a movie Sitaare Zameen Par, and the planning of that shoot was coming up. I had to tell him that I was quitting films, “So, this Sitaare Zameen Par that you’re making with me, I can’t do that, you’ll have to make it with someone else.” Poor director. I didn’t want to make a public announcement.
I had no idea then that I would be in films. I used to just like stories. It was in your environment. You were absorbing it. So I grew up… Films were being made around me when I was growing up, so no one had to teach me how films are made. I picked it up on my own. But I didn’t realize then that it was my training, from when I was five.
I felt watching that would calm you down, and that helped you. I couldn’t change my mindset immediately. But overall, yes, I felt there’s no point being angry because anger only causes self-harm. Forgive and move forward. Forgive everyone and myself. Just move on. Ammi used to tell me, “Forgiveness is the biggest thing.
Evolution of Marriage
Since you’ve married not once but twice, what’s your advice? I have been unsuccessful twice, don’t ask for my advice. I don’t want to live alone. I want a partner. I’m not a loner. But even today, both your ex-wives and you share a wonderful relationship. -Yes, at this point… -I’ve seen this.
If someone wrongs you, forgive them.” Everyone feels light once you forgive. The power of forgiveness… the healing power of forgiveness is huge. And thank you for showing me this power. I was in no mood to forgive. I hope we don’t get trolled.
